Who we are

I look at you and I no longer see myself. 

You tear me down and bring me to my knees. 

Then you bring me back up in hopes that 

my mind will flush out all thoughts of you 

sharing what was once mine with another soul. 

Was it ever really mine to begin with? 

I gave you every piece of me just for you to set me aside. 

Was our love null and insignificant to you? 

Yet I still give you my all. 

My heart aches but it longs for your love and attention. 

As if I am unable to receive these sentiments from another being. 

I just wanted you to want me and to love me the way that I love you if not more. 

I let myself fall deeper then I would have ever imagined. 

Now I am trapped in an endless maze. I was over. I was done. 

Then my hopeless dream returned with a few tears and a million I'm sorries. 

Should have known you'd bring me heartaches from the first lie you ever spoke.

My heart is filled with distrust and your tongue is over powered with filth. 

The trash you speak and the lies you kiss me with leave me sitting here

desperately while asking myself, "why do I love him so much?".. 

I try to blind myself to avoid seeing the things that are quite obvious. 

All I wanted was your love... But until then, I will keep living this lie 

and continue to tell myself that one day, my wishes will come true.. 

That one day, you'll love me like I love you. After all, as I always say.. 

You don't love me... It is just a figment of our imagination.

Bob Marley

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Opening Up

"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil." - The Bible

Growing up, this quote was always recited but never understood by me until a few days ago. I have been living in fear my whole life. Fear of becoming, fear of understanding, fear of speaking and most of all, fear of loving. I never felt the need to let anyone know how I felt or to let them know who I really was and of my past encounters. I believe it was fear that kept me restrained up until now. I finally found someone I trusted enough to welcome them into my heart, my mind, and my spirit. To truly and formally introduce myself beyond the surface. It was refreshing. I felt replenished. He felt completed. I don't feel defeated. This is the beginning of a beautiful journey. A journey that opens new doors, and gives me the opportunity to express myself. This is my life unleashed. I will be sharing all my pains and struggles and all my joy. This blog will be uncensored. Stay tuned.