Untitled (This is old)

I'm all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While you're out there getting into someone else's bra
Trying to catch myself
With every sigh that I make
And every gasp that I take
Doing my best to be silent
And keep my cries from echoing
But the harder I try the harder I cry...
I got so tied up in love now I'm sitting, reminiscing, remembering who I was before you came into my life. 
Drinking to ease my pain. 
Got so sick of feeling. 
Smoking to cloud up my brain 
Got so sick of thinking. 
So intoxicated I can feel your lips,
Smell that aroma I love so very much
And feel the roughness of your hands holding me. 
Caught up in my fantasy,
I began to lose track of my mind.  
Swaying in enjoyment,
Smiling to myself
At last, I'm in his arms again... 
Asleep I fall,
So caught up in my bliss. 
But when all was said and done
Im reminded that I'm on my own
When I woke up alone. 
I sat up on my bed gazing at my surroundings
Jumped out of my sheets in excitement
Searching the house
For sight of my love
Looking forward to kissing you, hello...
Brutally, I am reminded that my love is gone. 
Completely erased from his memory. 
To my knees I fall.
While letting out a slight breath,
I began to weep..
Holding myself
Trying to get back on my feet to find courage
But I fell deeper and deeper into my despair
Ache in my chest
I call out your name. 
Begging, pleading to myself
Wondering where we went wrong   
And what I have to do to get you back home
Please remember, you use to love me...

6ft

Soaking in my misery
Trying not to scream
Refraining from jumping out of this window
Nothing feels like reality. 
My calm remains leave you underestimating the strength that lies within these powerful hands
When in reality
A monster lives inside. 
Monster of insanity oh how could this be
You have taken control of every thought that fills my mind. 
Sugar coated
Candy lips
Covering up the pain that lives within me. 
Using you as a bandaid when in reality
I'm bleeding right through you
For my cuts are much too deep for you, alone, to heal. 
My interiors are filled with superior psychotics
Wanting to bang my head into these brick walls that surround me. 
Punch a hole through my heart
Pierce a pathway through my lungs
Maybe then I'll beat
Maybe then I'll breathe. 
You're my filler
I lost my power
Throw a rock right through these fucking mirrors
How I hate the mockery that stares back at me,
What a mess I've become..
Pick a tomb
Find a hole
Dump me down
6 ft in the cold. 

Rocking Chair

An early bird, she was
Always anticipating the commencement of a new day. 
Who knew what today would consist of..
She spent her time in a small house on a prairie away from the city. 
A house that was given to her by her beloved husband, knowing she could be slightly antisocial. 
Every morning she would arise at quarter to 8, and start the shower. Not too warm, not too cold, just the way he liked it. She went on to make breakfast and start the coffee machine. 
Two eggs, turkey, toast, a small glass of orange juice and the newspaper, of course. 
The newspaper read, "New York Times, 1949"..
She then went on to pour the coffee and set up the table for two. 
She sat down, ate, then exited to the front porch. 
Two rocking chairs were present. One made of old, oak wood and the other consisted of chipped, white paint with a design of flowers that was almost completely faded due to the unpredictable weather. 
That chair belonged to her. 
She sat in it for hours, this is where she was to spend her day.  Not a soul came to visit, not a single phone call. Just her. And the rocking chair.  The next morning, the woman was found dead on the porch, chair still rocking. A team of investigators went in the house and found that the shower was left running, the coffee was still brewing and a plate of breakfast was left on the perfectly set table with a newspaper. As the investigation went on, the team leader noticed something on the rocking chair next to the lady's deceased body. A hat was left on the chair. Next to a lunchbox. Inside was a freshly made sandwich and a note. One of the fellas grabbed the note and proceeded to read it. Suddenly, the color in his face flushed as he became filled with emotion. The letter read "My beloved husband, I packed your favorite lunch today. I promised you I would care for you until the day I die. This promise lies deep in my heart... Love, Sunny"... The man then went on to pass the note to the team members. They all stood in silence while feeling their hearts fill up with pain... Her husband has been dead for almost twenty years...

Love Note

When you're beside me
You keep me feeling warm
You keep my heart alive
Love me a little more
Inside of me you'll be forever
I hope you know, I love you too. 

Endorphin

Endorphin
My endorphin
Disperse your supernaturality
Throughout my body's internal cavities.

Bless me with your presence,
And turn my pain into irrelevance.
So paralyzed by my misery –
Won't you come and deliver me?

Vacuous spaces
Vacate the chambers of my heart.
The loud beatings of my drum
Echo through these walls of loneliness

It is you that I need
It is you that I seek.

Agonizing sufferance,
And excruciating distress
Intensity lives,
Confined within the emptiness in my chest
Which was brought to me
By such regret.

Do not deprive me of you
For this leaves me
Distanced from my homeostatic state
Restore me to normality
Sail through the veins that inhabit me.

Commence with my
fingertips
Proceed through my mortality
And fill me with your
Longevity

Endorphin,
Sweet endorphin
Desensitize me.
Won't you
Humanize me?

My soother
Soul healer
Pain killer.

When you walked away
I thought that would be the end of me
The end of we struck me so suddenly before I could even open my mouth to speak.
You were gone and for a second I thought you took my heart away, with you.
I spent my nights with
Bloody hands
Trying to recollect the shattered pieces of my heart
Each piece piercing it's way through
While deepening my wounds.
So stuck on your malicious ways
Almost failing to realize the beauty of the man that was going to bypass me...
If I didn't turn myself away from you.

For You

For you,
there'd be no clouds.
I'd make my way to the skies and beg
All greater powers to postpone the rain
If it meant
Seeing you smile.
For you,
There'd be no end, no beginning, and no middle.
Just us..
Just the power of our never ending love
Because I'd travel to infinity beyond eternity
If it meant
Proving to you
That you're the reason this muscle in my chest
Beats religiously..
For you,
I'd stand on skyscrapers,
The tallest of buildings,
Shooting arrows at the stars
Just to bring one back to you
To show you how luminescent you are
Without using any words.
For you,
I’d lose touch with humanity
My sincerity longs for you eternally
I’d come right home to you habitually
If it meant I could wake up to you consistently.

Stronger Than Me

You should be stronger than me
You’ve done this before
Been in love before
Been in hurt before
Been broken before…
You should be the strength that
Holds us together
But instead
At the snap of a finger
You turn yourself off
Like the light switch I depend on
In my moments of darkness...
Thought you already lived
Thought you already loved
Thought you already knew
The pains that accompany
Being in love.
Thought you were stronger than me
Why is it that with every argument
You turn your head
And give me your back
Walk away
Til I gotta pull you back?
You should be tougher than me
Be that glue that keeps this bond together
The man that is comforting
Not the man that is a weakling…
You should be the man that
Holds my hand firmly
Guides me through the crowds
You should be in control
Don’t sit there and cry with me…
You should be
Stronger than me…

Go Your Own Way

Haaa!

And here I was thinking

You could have possibly been

A better person

With some tweeking, of course.

Well you're the best thing I’ve ever lost.

You possess these snakelike qualities

Sneak up - Creep - Attack the prey - Leave...

Creep.

Who did you think you were?

Who in the existence of all higher powers led you to believe

That you, King Sir Prince,

Deserved to be the center of this universe…

My universe.

Who lead you to believe that

You were worthy of someone like me

And that you could feel free

To collect your jar of hearts

Leaving me without my own.

Peasant.

Thought your game was invisible,baby,

I saw right through you.

Right through the eyes of a

Liar.

Killer.

Murderer.

Cheater.

Murderer of pure, youthful souls.

To think I ever kissed those lips.

The lips of evil,  numbing, poisonous venom.

You injected me, with your vicious toxicant

With the most hateful form of love spells

Serpent.

Once upon a time I thought I couldn’t live

Without you

Or even begin to breathe

Without you

But that once upon a time was

Way, way back in time

Cuz you’re no longer my

Heart

You can’t tear me apart.

I left you back there

Some while ago

A long time ago

So please,

Feel free

To go your own way.